Fragments part 5 - Nukumori

My pace was brisk and tense.  From afar I could hear footsteps coming towards me. I walked faster, ignoring everything, eyes scanning the building to find a way out. Ahead, I saw a corner moving to a dark corridor. If I hid there for awhile, no one would find me. I adamantly walked ahead through the dark hallway, taking turns on another corner deeper into the shadows.

 Only when I reached the end of it, I stopped, panting. The place was dark and there was only a small barred window hanging high on the wall. Little light came through it and so did the air, making the room a little stuffy and uncomfortable. This place felt like prison.

I took refuge at the corner of the dark space hidden from any light, and fell to the ground with my back against the wall.

How troublesome the life I’m having! People sometimes should take things easy in life. With that suicide rate will be much lower, I guess, and no one would bother to jump out from a 13- storey building just to die with a smashed head. But, really, why do I need to run so much in my life? Sugoku mendokusai da…

“Nee, Aki, running away again?” There she was standing in front of me. Pale light coming through the barred window shone on the floor where she stood as if the light was illuminating her presence as the shadows kept darkening mine. Perfect. It portrayed both of us well: of light and darkness. 

“Why are you here, Akari?” I said with a sigh.

“I thought it would be interesting to look at a runaway Aki,” she said giddily with hands behind her back.

“Saite. You are enjoying this are you?”

“Of course, I am. And, I’m curious too. Nee, Aki, why are still running away? Shiki-senpai had stopped coming after you, though.”

“It has nothing to do with you.”

“It has. Of course it has. And somehow, you seem to be running away from me too.”

“I just want to be normal.”

“So desuka. Really, I can’t understand your logic, Aki.” There was a laugh, a mirthless one and she continued to stand there in front of me with the fake smiles of hers.

“Then, stop coming and teasing me! You’re making me crazy. Why did you come here, anyway, if all you want to do is to enjoy taunting me?”

“Because we are always together. And Aki is aki. At a time like this, you will always need me to become your haru, is it not right, Aki?”

“It does not mean autumn. It’s vacant. That’s what my name is.”

“If that is true, then, call me ana instead, so that at least I could provide a place for your vacancy.” I stayed silent as she stood there waiting for me. She moved a little and stepped to the opened corridor. “Nee, Aki-chan, I believe you will get together with him, kitto.”

“Damare.”

“Afterall, a lonely person like you, where will you run away to? And saying that you won’t hurt people, the truth is, the one who’s bored of getting hurt is you, isn’t it, Aki-chan?”

“Oi, damare!” I turned to her as I yelled. Yet, the one whose eyes I looked into were no longer the giddily troublesome girl, but an appearance which I wished to avoid. He stood there with a face a little astonished than I had ever seen.

“Aki-kun, I mean… I’m sorry, Aki, to whom are you talking to?” Really, Akari was no where to be seen, and I sat at the corner of the dark room before Shiki-senpai like a fool, relishing the deep embarrassment and shame all alone. When did she… Sugoku kitanai da na, ano ko!

There was a moment of silence as he waited confusedly for my answer. I was sure shock was written all over his face, yet I dared not to look at it. Somehow, deep down inside I felt like crying.

“I was speaking to myself, senpai. That’s what I did.” I pulled both my knees close to my chest hugging them. “In fact… I do it all the time. That’s right. I’m not normal.”

Please just go away!

“That’s why, I told you to get away from me!” It was the first time my voice cracked as if I was about to cry. I had never been that close to showing my emotion before. Even when we had our last conversation before, nothing was shown on my face.

Please, senpai. Leave me alone as I always am…

Quietly, silently he bent his knees and sat cross-legged beside me. I didn’t look at him yet I could feel the soft swish of his movement. Baka, his clothes will get dirty that way!

“People said children sometimes talk to their imaginary friends. I don’t believe that. Even I sometimes bite my nails when I’m deeply thinking, it’s a habit I have since a long time ago.” With that I turned to him, meeting his soft kind gaze he had on me.

“Really, despite of how you look, you are quite childish Aki. It’s okay. After all, adults are just children who have gotten bigger, that is all.” He smiled at me.

“Then, aren’t you afraid of me?”

“Do I have to be afraid of you, Aki?” he asked curious and in earnest. For some reasons as I looked into his eyes I felt a strange relieving emotion surging from my insides, pumping through all my veins. Was it security, I wondered. And unknowingly, his hand reached for me, tangling his long gentle fingers in my hair. Like a beaten cat that was lacked with all the love in the world, in the dark stuffy place, I was drawn to his warmth.

Fragments part 4 - Hitori

I remembered when she was small, she was always alone. It seemed her entire world was closed to everyone else that she was the only character, both the protagonist and the antagonist altogether. Everyone might talk about her or call her names, yet she seemed not to be affected by it, not to care, not even to hate anyone.

Her blouses had no frills. They never had. And if girls wear ribbons on their heads, she wore none. In fact, the always-disheveled black locks were always short and now and then, people had mistaken her as a boy instead. Her smooth pretty features were striking, though; the only signature of her real self.

I remembered that her seat was far at the back of the class, far enough not to be remembered and she was the silent type. I had never heard her voice in class, because she simply didn’t talk to anyone else. Because of this, I guessed, people found her weird, weirder when she came to school almost limping everyday, bruises on her arms and faces.

 What’s wrong with her? Did she fight?

She looked like a boy, she must have!

Maybe she’s just clumsy and tripped.

No one is too clumsy to trip everyday.

She had a bad attitude, that’s why she got hit.

She’s not a decent girl, how scary!

Since no explanation ever came, people started to get scared of her and shunned her away. And, at the same moment, the bully started. It was normal to see her walked home with her school bag doodled over. It was normal to find her shoes got all worn at the shelves when the bell had rung. Sometimes, the shoes were not even there, retrieved after awhile in a dustbin. But, she had never cried, not even once, since those were all nothing to be compared afterwards. Yes, nothing to be compared with the abuse she will receive at home, the rage of a drunk father coming back from work. The hitting will get worse with the worn shoes and dirty clothes, however. Poor thing. She had no mother to protect her. She was long gone, died right after she was borne. So, the only thing she could do is to endure it, of course, nothing more.

It was too much to bear, I guessed, that I had finally decided to talk to her that day, as she sat at the entrance all alone waiting for the rain to stop.

“Hey, why are you still here?” She looked at me who was then stooping over her with wide eyes, confusion was written all over her childish face.

“I forgot my umbrella.” Ah, the ring of her voice! Despite of the surprise just now…

“Then, why not just run through the rain? Tanoshii desu yo!”

“My clothe will get wet, I don’t want to get into trouble.”

“Heeeehh?” I grabbed onto her shoulders with my small hand and leaned my face so close to hers. I could feel her body shuddered ever so slightly to the touch and tensed. Our bangs were brushing against each other’s cheeks. “Now that I’m looking at you this close, your eyes are pretty. They are dark but almost purple.”

“You’re annoying,” she said flatly. With that I quickly released her.

“Hidoii, Aki-chan, though I like you very much.” Another surprise swept through her face, I could tell, yet, she acted like she didn’t care.

“Then, don’t come and sit with me.”

Her reaction was cute, even though it was rude to say so to a person you talk for the first time. Everyone said about the bad attitude she had. They were probably right. But, they were wrong about one thing; she’s not scary… She’s a shy person, instead. A mirthless smile started to appear on my lips.

“But, you look sad and lonely, I don’t want you to get lonely.”

“Why should you care,” she replied, sweeping away an overgrown lock from her face with her hand, slowly tugging it behind her ears. A sight of a bruised hand had made something inside of me cringe.

“Hmm… because it is bad to become lonely.”

“How bad is that? I like to be alone.”

“Well, lonely people will become crazy one day, Aki-chan!”

“Crazy?”

“Yes, crazy! Like something wrong had happened in their brain!”

“Then, I’m already am. You too, being all closed to a stranger.”

“But, we are classmates!”

“A classmate you know nothing about is still a stranger.”

“Mou, Aki-chan wa zurui!” I hugged both my knees and pouted. Aki, sitting beside me sighed. The conversation was dead between us and the hissing sound of the rain took over. Even so, much to our surprise, slowly and just as silently, we began to enjoy each other’s company.

“Nee, kimi...” I turned to her only to find dark eyes clutching my entire body.

“Hontou wa…

...kimi mo sabishii darou.”

Something had sunk in to the weight of her words and my eyes were eternally locked to Aki’s dark unwavering eyes. When there was no answer coming from me, she continued to look ahead, staring at the endless rain. Then, with the same flat voice of hers, though with a little tinge of curiosity, she asked about my name.

“Akari. My name is Akari,” I told her.

Fragments part 3 - Murasaki

“Aki-kun, I…I..” he stuttered dragging me in full alarm. There was a taint of red on both his cheeks shooing my very heart to beat in haste. I knew where this will lead to, I knew it, yet I was too stunned, my feet too rooted to the ground and I could not get away.

“Shi-“

“Aki-kun,” he called my name again this time with determination. Even still with a red face Senpai looked at me straight in the eyes, gathering every piece of his courage back in place. “Will you go out together with me?”

 Silence ensued between us. I looked into his eyes and he in mine. It wasn’t fair, his sat protected behind those glasses, thus shielding them from my glorious stare. I showed no emotion on my face.

“I really need to go back home, Shiki-senpai.” I stepped away all at once, without turning, almost running.

“Aki-kun, wait!” Before he could say anything, I was gone, lost, disappeared beyond the corner as swift as shadows. I was glad that my gait made no sound and the thick pad of my snickers made my step almost noiseless. He won’t know which way I went, surely.

Akari appeared jogging beside me as I walked. I was damn sure she heard it. Lurking somewhere in the shadow she did, and of course she heard it. I couldn’t cover my anger as I heard her giggled.

“What are you sniggering at?!”

“You shouldn’t turn down a senpai like that, it’s rude,” she said, a smile on her face.

“I’m just not interested,” I said rather absently.

“Are you? Thehehee… and what were all the running about? Does your heart beat so fast?” Instantly, all my senses were made aware of the crazy drum in my chest.

“DOKUN, DOKUN!” Akari mocked. My cheeks started to grow hot. Damn it! I’m blushing, when did it get there?! “That’s a good girl. Why not turn back now and wait for Shiki-senpai to come and chase after you, Aki-kun?”

“Stop teasing me! I don’t want it to become that way. I’m not girly like any other girl. My hair’s short. I don’t know how to cook. I don’t speak decently to people and he is just too polite, too kind… he’s not supposed to be with me!” And calling me with the nickname my course mates call me, highlighting and knowing all my flaws, what was he thinking?!

********

Purple. I always love that colour. I like it because I think I will look good in it. I remembered I had a purple clothe once when I was in school. I love it so much and even my self-esteem boost up to the fullest wearing it. Right now, I don’t even have a purple clothe.

“Why do you want to have a purple clothe now?” Akari asked as we walked along the corridor. My eyes widened a little. “No, the real question is, why do you want to look good now, instead of being so self-contiousless as you were before?” I turned my head to my side facing her. I knew this will happen. I twitched as she laughed merrily by my side.

“So, he still shows up, Shiki-senpai, even he was being rejected so many times. That is quite admirable,” she said. I sighed disdainfully and walked ahead of her. I will give you the luxury to laugh at me this time, Akari. Just this time.

Then, just ahead of me, I saw him again, noting, pausing, raising one arm, waving at me, smiling. I couldn’t help but to witness things almost in slow motion. I wondered why, I think everything was lulled in his presence, as if everything will be drawn to his warmth, his kindness. Almost in an instant I will long for the purple clothe I wear in school, as if it could save me. Then, I will gasp, red-faced, and things will start to move normally again. Soon, I will realize that I need to run away from him as I always did in our many encounters at the collage.  

I did give a hint, right? Why did he keep coming back?  And, I hate the way that guy put an effect on me.

*******

“Ah, Aki-kun! I have been looking for you!”

Perhaps, he’s blind.

*******

“Aki-kun, will you go out with me this weekend? But, if you’re busy, it’s okay.”

He’s blind.

*******

“Aki-kun, that thing looks heavy. Let me help you.”

He’s so clueless.

*******

“Ah, Aki-kun!”

He’s definitely clueless.

*******

“Aki-kun!”

BAKA!

*******

I stopped. I was planning to run away again, but this time for some awkward reasons, I stopped. Even Shiki-senpai had not said a word when I halted. Perhaps, it surprised him a bit.

“You are a persistent kind, Senpai. I just don’t know what to do.”

“Huh?” I turned around facing him. I just realized then, how small his frame is for a guy and his features, his eyes are soft and kind-looking that you won’t be afraid of him. I mean, it was natural to fear a Senpai, but the person standing in front of me was just only a bit taller than me. The reason people respect him, I supposed, the reason people like him, WHY I like him is what he really is!

“Why are you so persistent, Shiki-senpai? Starting from that day and even until now.”

“I guess it just can’t be help.” Despite my rage he began to smile and laughed stupidly. “ I have fallen for you. Even though you don’t accept it, by just meeting you, it makes me happy.”

“But why Senpai? Why did you act like nothing happen?” I demanded, this time feeling a bit superior. Recognizing my anger, just once, there was a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

“I realize that you keep running away from me, Aki-kun.”

“Drop the suffix, please, Senpai.”

“Yappari, you didn’t like the name people call you. I’m sorry.” It didn’t bother me but it sounded weird when you uttered so.

“Well, I realize that you keep running away from me, Aki, but you have not driven me away. Not even once.” With that we both fell silent. My cheeks threateningly became warmer as I caught sight of a slight red taint on his face. Only when the feeling of discomfort started to set foot between us I sighed and started to say something.

“Well, we just don’t suit together, see, Senpai? I’m a boyish girl and you are… It is the same like colours, alright? You are like… Beige… and I am hot Red. Beige and Red do not mix well together.”

“Murasaki.”

“Eh?”

“You are not Red, Aki-kun, I mean Aki. I think you are purple.” My eyes widened a little to his remarks. At that time I could feel the tinge of curiosity, surprise and awe, lurching from inside of me in waves.

“It’s the colour that symbolizes mystery and spirituality. As intriguing as it is, purple has both warm and cool properties, that it can calm but invigorate your spirit at the same time, like the flower of lavander. Really, it is quite unbelievable, don’t you think, that only when we mix the strong warm and the strong cool colour, red and blue, two unique paradoxes, purple was borne. It is the same as you, Aki. I guess, the colour suits you better. I don’t know whether it will mix well with beige, though,” he said scratching the back of his head, a soft smile absently forming on his lips.

Purple and beige do mix well together… the extra ordinary and the ordinary…

Should I rejoice the words which I just heard or should I not? Perhaps I should but I felt like crying instead. Though a senpai he may seem to be, though a terrifyingly kind one as compared to myself, I knew as plain as day what I felt in my heart. With a mirthless smile I turned away. He didn’t stop me, though, knowing that I will still run if he did. He just stood there, saying no words at all, accepting things.

That was why after a few steps I stopped.

“Shiki-senpai, I didn’t deny that I like you myself, personally, as what I am. But, there are other things that concern me so bad that I couldn’t do things simply like a good girl. Senpai, let me give you a good advice –

- don’t get too close to me, or you will end up getting hurt.”

Fragments part 2 - Hikari

“Aki-chan~!” her voice echoed louder than the wordless whisper of the crowd. Why people with high-pitched voice always didn’t know how to control their voices.

“Aki-chan~!” I could feel her cheekily grabbed onto me and I swerved a little to my side. Damn brat!

“Why are you here?”

“That’s rude, Aki. I just came here,” she said pouting already. After all the years of knowing her, this girl pouted a lot more than any other girls would. “Besides, would it be so bad if I’m here? Ah!” I paced up before her, ignoring her, leaving her behind. “Aki, matte! Mou…” There, another pout, I guessed. I didn’t need to turn at her to know this.

I heard her footsteps trailing behind me and she paced to catch up. “Nee, Aki. You are becoming more and more emotional lately. Being emo is not good for your health, you know. You should go and have some fun sometimes! Do you want to go watch a movie with me?” And she muffled up some title which I could not grasp.

“I don’t want to watch movies with you,” I deadpanned.

“Hidoii!!”

I left her behind again and it took her less than a second to grab onto me again. “Nee, Aki,. I guess I figure out what you need.” For a second I eyed her from the corner of my eyes without turning and looked in front of me again. “You just need something to spice up your life, something that will give you new experience, new feelings, new expression to this stoic face of yours.” She poked my left cheek with her pointing finger and laughed her usual annoying Thehehe. I scoffed in disdain.

“You know, Aki, you need a guy in your life.” My eyes widened in surprised as her voice trailed away with a strange echo. Instinctively, I whacked her hands away from my arm.

“I’m not interested in meaningless talk, Akari.” She giggled as I rushed forward getting into the tunnel. She followed me like a shadow, into the darkness where I walked.

“Life has been so cruel, so cruel that it will freeze one heart. Someday, Aki, a person, a person will come to save you and thaw your heart away. Indeed, like the light at the end of this tunnel” Baka onna da. The books she read were getting to her head. I stepped out of the tunnel heading to the railway tracks. The bell of the railway chimed and the railing began to fall slowly across the path.

“Aki-chan, don’t you agree with me? You cannot lie to me, Aki. I always know that you are – “

“Enough, I don’t want to listen anymore to this!” I screamed at the top of my voice. The people who stood waiting by the railing stared as if a horn had just grown on my head. Akari whistled to herself, ignoring me. Damn, she purposely did it! I hate her! I stared at my feet flustered.

“Nee, Aki-chan, mae wo mite goran...

...Hora!

Are wa kimi no hikari da.”

I lifted my eyes to see a dark figure in front of me, standing still at the other side of the track. His dark jacket matched with his raven coloured hair which hung loosely innocently on his head. No one had that kind of haircut anymore. Not after they graduated from school. But this person in front of me chose to stick to the fashion as if the time had been stagnant. And those nerd looking glasses… I imagined this guy had issues with his past memories.

“Murakawa Shiki,” Akari said. “ No, Shiki-senpai, darou? Always innocent, warm and kind. I know he would suit your type, Aki.” I glared at her as she said it but it only made her giggle more. I turned away, in shame looking back at him who was than looking thoughtfully at his watch.

“Really, Aki. You think I didn’t know why you choose to go back on this route. You will find Shiki-senpai coming back from his part-time job on the way. Always looking silently and keeping things to yourself. You should learn to express your feelings a little bit.” There was a sad tone in Akari’s voice, a reason I didn’t answer her this time, a reason I had gazed sadly on senpai’s face.

The sound of the train grew louder and I could feel how the ground shook as it sped up past us, blocking our sight with unbearable but enticing blur. Just before it did, I caught Shiki-senpai’s eyes on me, noticing me, smiling at me.

Fragments part 1 - Ame

The meandering rain slipped down against the glassy window like tears. Imaginative people might really think that the sky was crying. Good for them. At least life won’t be so boring for them, won’t be as lonely…

Loneliness… I didn’t know why rain portrays loneliness that much, why people always associate it with the other as if it is the truth of the world. Perhaps, rain really looked like tears and lonely people cry.

I didn’t. No matter what they said, I didn’t, yet loneliness was what I felt that day as I sat by the window staring at the endless rain outside, a glass of hot tea in one hand.

“What are you eating, Aki?” a gleeful voice asked and I tore my sight away from the window to a petite form on my bed, a feet rose dangling high upwards, revealing a rather smooth pretty figure beneath the fluffy skirt.

“I’m just having my tea,” I said and took another slurp of the hot tea, almost ignoring her.

“How boring, I thought you are having cup noodles,” she said.

“Baka.” The silence lingered and I stared at the dark sky silently as she hummed one of the crazy tunes of hers. The light became dimmer colouring the room with shades of grey. It won’t stop and it would be raining the entire day, I guessed. “Naa, Akari…”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you come here?”

She grabbed onto my pillow burying half of her face as she turned at me. “Thehee,” she laughed. “I always know that you will feel lonely in this kind of weather.”

I stared boredly at her face for a couple of second before I drank my tea again. “Akari, go back.”

“Nande?! I came here just to accompany you!” she protested pouting like a child.

“My roommate will return in a few minutes, I don’t want her to find out.”

“Like she will find out,” she said.

“She will if you stay.”

“But, will it be that bad if she does?! If she’s showing any negative attitude towards you I will-“ CLICK. The key’s turning, someone’s at the door.

BADUMM!!

“Tadaima,” a voice was heard as the door opened. “What was that sound just now?”

“Okaeri, Asoko. The tissue box just slipped off my hand.” I bend down a little pretending to lift the tissue box I had earlier grabbed from the table back to its place. Just then, I saw a small hand came out from under the bed pulling in the remaining scruff of skirt out of sight. Baka onna da.

“Oh, is that so?”  Asoko went straight to her own bed, collapsing onto it, ignoring the somewhat wet clothe she had. “Ah, I’m so tired,” she moaned before turning back at me. “How was the lecture?”

“I skipped my class,” I said.

“Really?” Then, she said nothing more. After killing a few minutes on the bed, she rushed for some clean clothes from her closet and tugged them all in her bag. She took some of her books afterwards.

“Are you going out?” I asked carefully eyeing her as she packed.

“Yeah, my boyfriend is waiting for me downstairs.”

“I see.” That means I’ll be alone again tonight. “Don’t forget the umbrella. It will be raining until evening.”

“Thanks.” She was already standing at the door when she said it. “Well, don’t wait for me, okay?” She smiled and I smiled back at her. The door was shut and she was gone. I sighed as I heard her faint footstep dying away.

I heard some disturbing scratches after that; a reminder of the previous occurrences. I looked down at my feet and saw Akari emerged from under the bed, a wide grin on her face.

“Nee, Aki-chan? The way you cover things up, it sounds like you are having a secret relationship with another girl.”

“Shut up, Akari.”

Pottery, pottery, pottery, pot!

Ah, i found an interesting article in the newspaper today. I don't usually read a newspaper but the headline on the front page had me stunned. So, it was saying about the making of pottery, Indian pottery in Malaysia and the thing that had made jumping up with joy is that the owner of the kiln, V.N Ramadass told that he provides bot individual and group training of pottery making. The kiln was somewhere in Selangor and the contact number of his pottery making center is 03-32891054. I was like "Wow, he left his phone number in here!" after i finished reading the article.

My mother asked me what it was and i told her that someday during the school holidays or the period while i'll be waiting to be posted i will go to this man and learn how to make pottery from him. i guessed my mom was shocked to hear that... hehehe...

Well, i have been quite obsessed with potteries for quite some times now. i did collect a lot of information about Mashiko's Japanese potteries and compiled them in a long article. You can read the article here! I even wrote a novel about potteries, i mean the first part of the book. Maybe i should post Shinkansen chapters next time ^_^. Therefore, i have been thinking... it would be great if i could join some workshops somewhere and learn how to pot. The newspaper article is like a dream comes true.

Well, i guess that's it for today. You can even read some old articles i wrote in the link i gave you. And also a silly story... Enjoy reading!

Best Picture!

 

Yes, I took the picture from minitokyo.net, the best websites to get awesome anime wallpapers. You will not only be able to get wallpapers, some generous people had uploaded some nice scans too. Usually, I will search for Vampire Knight stuff over there. Really, Hino-sensei's drew mesmerizing pictures, especially Kaname-sama's (nosebleeds)... hahah! Perhaps i should share some of my vampire knight collection later...

I had just finished downloading the seventh movie of Kara no Kyoukai (murder speculation part 2) yesterday and the KaraKyou's fever had not come down yet. I love the series! The pictures are beautiful, the soundtracks are awesome, the plot is beautifully dark (which i like) and i was totally impressed with the ending, even though i had read the entire KaraKyou's books... thehehe...

The picture shows Kokutou Mikiya and Ryougi Shiki, the two most important characters in the story, and no doubt the picture is taken from the second movie (murder speculation part 1) or should I say the scene is all KaraKyou fans' longing thoughts for both characters. I mean the scene never occurred in the movie. What really happened is that Shiki with her bloody red kimono came slicing over the poor-running-for-his-life Mikiya... hahah... so much for a relaxing cup of tea. Well, SHIKI might do that, though, since he and Mikiya are buddies...

Those two are two of my favourite anime characters. I like Mikiya's kind character. Were I fated to meet a person like that in life, no doubt I will be greatly interested in him. Since I am a kind of person who are not opened, and dark... and weird... I found a person like that loyal and sincere. I don't know why, were i fated to meet a character as kind as him, i will protect him to the best of my ability. And, I like Shiki because we are the same. Yes, I admit that i have double characters (an obvious symptoms for schizophrenia) and unlike Shiki and SHIKI, both of us are girls and we don't have any killing intention. The accepting and rejecting part is true, however... That is why, i guess, I sort of understand what Shiki felt.

Anyone who has anything to say about the picture may do so and anyone who wants to save the picture can do that too ^_^

I hope i could put some YouTube link of the seventh movie for those who haven't watched and couldn't get it from Veoh or Megavideo...