Silence reigned the entire room as she put her fingers gracefully onto the piano keys. I could see how messy they looked as they were placed there, gathering courage to move about; a sight of an untaught talent. Even so, no matter how illiterate she was, my heart was robbed of every beating as I sat waiting for the melody to rise. Yet, it was as if the song she was about to play would consume me alive… I longed for it, wished for it, thrilled by it, scared of it…
I could hear her humming the song in her head even though I could hear nothing. She remembered the song by heart. And even while I set myself ready to play it, she stood here beside me memorizing the lyrics to herself. Because of it, even when my fingers danced on the old piano keys, I was not aware of anything at all, save her sweet voice singing the foreign song.
A time for us
Someday there’ll be
When chains are thorn
By courage born
Of a love’s that free
A time when dreams
So long denied
Can flourish
As we unveil the love
We now must hide
A time for us
At last to see
A life worth-while
For you and me
As I climbed the ascending stair, I could hear an angelic voice echoing through every spaces. My heart was racing, recognizing whose voice it belonged to, but the melancholic tune had slowed down my reflexes forcing me to move very slowly up the spiral stairs tormenting me from within. This force that I felt, it was puling me so slow and at the same time so hardly that it hurt.
And with our love
Through tears and thorns
We will endure
As we pass surely
through every storm
A time for us
Someday there’ll be
A new world
A world of shining hope
For you and me
She played it well, so well that I cried while I was singing.
She sang it well, so well that tears started to flow.
What a lovely song. Even while I stood at the door looking at the girl who was playing the piano, all worries that had been haunting me faded away. Indeed, like a dust in the wind.
A world of shining hope
For you and me
As the tune died away I opened my eyes to see him standing before me. Then, I smiled.
“So you have found me, Murakawa Shiki-senpai,” she said as she got up. It was the same voice, the same face... yet… the smile… “I’m glad that you did. I’m really looking forward to meet you.”
“Yes, I came for you, Aki.” There was a slight pain as I uttered that name. And, surprisingly enough, it was the same for me “Or, should I say, Shirazumi Akari.”
“Akari?” Ootori Asako turned at me with thousands of questions on her face; questions unbearably painful. That was why, the things she had said afterwards, even though was the most shocking in the world, in truth, had saddened me.
“That is what her first name is, Senpai. Shirazumi Akari.”
“So you have figured that out, Shiki-Senpai, about us.” She walked across the room passing the old piano and stood facing me.
“Akari and Aki are the same person. The person whom I had spent a lot of time with, the person whom I had fallen in love with. I wondered which one of you is the truth.” Even there was a murderer standing before him, the worry in his eyes was not the image for himself but directed to me instead. Senpai, you are such a kind person.
“Aki, she was a part of me. A person who was borne because of an old wish I made. Even so, she is always the one who protects me, from the beginning, even until now, she was the one who freed me from that demon.
She had told you, hadn’t she, of how we are like the truth and dreams? Yes, like the light and shadows, heaven and earth, acceptance and rejection. Do you know, Senpai, if I was in danger, she would reject everything in order to protect me. Fushigii darou? Even though her job was to reject things, she took my place and accepted everything, pain, shame, and loneliness on my behalf.
I don’t want her to go though that anymore. It was just a silly wish and I don’t want her to go as far as that to protect me. I just want her to be happy. That is why, when you came, Senpai, I was happy. I started to see her smile, for the first time in my life, and for the first time in her life, she began to accept happiness.” With that, she smiled at me, with her hands pulled together behind her. I hadn’t told anyone how much I missed that smile; the smile Aki showed me on the bench that day while eating ice cream. “Arigatou, Shiki-senpai. Senpai no kakete, Aki-chan wa shiawase ni naru”
“Then, where is Aki now?”
“In the end she decided to come back to me. I couldn’t stop that since it was her choice, to be one again with me. Despite of how she looked, Aki-chan was actually a kind and selfless girl. She told me that she would continue protecting me. Even while we were talking right now, senpai, she is here listening to every word.”
“Then, will I be able to talk to her again?”
“I’m sorry, Senpai, she had returned to where she was belonged to and that was her own choosing… unless…” Trully, I don’t want him to suffer as much as Aki did.
“Unless?” She reached out one arms towards me with a pair of mirthless eyes that would spill some tears.
“Senpai, shinjitsu wan nan darou… Yume ya nan darou?” Her words, for some reasons had let the long-lost memories emerged from the abyss of my mind and just as suddenly, the hurtful darkness came.
*******
A little girl lay on the cold floor on her sides. Her body was hurt and her throat was dry. I would be great if she could crawl out to the kitchen and get some water, even just a little, yet she knew that the door was locked. From deep insides of her, there was a faint hope that her father wouldn’t throw the key away and left her there to die.
Little by little the moon rose and she could see the faint silver glimmer through the window darting on the cement floor. It was dark in the room and the silvery light was almost enticing. Thus, she crawled on her sides pulling herself painfully towards it. At times she stopped to catch her breath and there was also a time when abruptly halted and groaned for a slight movement had let some painful sensation seared up her body and limbs. No one would hear her scream, though, and because of that despite of the pain, she held herself together to reach the light.
The moon was great. The full moon hung majestically on the dark sky, looking down at her blanketing its light around her as if protecting her. It didn’t entirely erase her pain, of course, yet, but just looking at it, in an instant, the hurt soften, somehow.
That night, she decided that she like the moon. She didn’t exactly hate the sun, however, she just like the moon best and she would look at it every night. It would be better if the moon would also be able to make her dreams come true.
Dekiru kana? Will the moon grant my wishes? Each and every one of them? Of course not… The moon was only the celestial thing, something that hand in the sky, the same as the planets did. She had leaned that in school. Because of that, she started to cry.
“If people would grant me wishes I wish the pain would stop.
I wish that I am not weak.
I wish that I would be able to go to school normally tomorrow, without people saying bad things about me.
I want to learn a lot, go to school and the University in
I wish that I will never be lonely and have a friend who will always accompany me.
I wish that I can be happy and kind to anyone else.” Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she sobbed.
“I wish that I am not me. I wish that I am a boy instead.
It would be better… it would be better… if I had disappeared from the start.”
********
For some reasons pearly drops of tears started to appear in his eyes. It spilt and made a beautiful line down his cheeks. As our eyes met, I saw realization was swimming in them. I knew then that he had understood.
Once again, reaching her hand out towards me, she smiled. It was after all, my own choice to make, she told me. Just as I thought, the place where I was belonged to was…Reaching out for her hand, in a fraction of seconds, I halted.
“No matter what happened, I want you to know that I will always love you, and that you are not alone,” he said and tightly grasped my hand in his. We both exchanged smiles as he did.
Thank you…
Instantly, his being started to break and scattered up in the air like feathers. The shinning lights coming from his pieces came brushing against my face softly before they rose illuminating the entire room. Then, without a word, without a sound, they vanished.
A tear slobbered down my cheeks even the smile was still there plastered on my face.
“Okaeri, minna…soshite…sayonara.”
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