Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Our Bond

Ah, i have not been writing for a long time... ^_^

Just a few days ago my long six years course had ended and i can, no matter how silly it may seem to be, call myself as one of those graduates. Then, just a few days ago i said goodbye to all my friends (48 of them) for we had been together through this long journey, knowing and growing up together. There's so many things said, and so many things left unsaid. I just hope that after this, no matter how long it is, we will meet again and see what kind of adults we will turn out to be...

Here's to my friends.

Our Bond

A simple smile
A silly fight

A silent tear
A crazy laugher

A short refusal
A deep acceptance

An unbearable hate
An innumerable love

A sudden lost
A soothing happiness

An exhausting pain
A concluding success

An unforgettable experience
A memorable journey

The unacceptable mistake
The forgiven hands

The usual smile
The bittersweet tears

A simple goodbye
A simple goodbye...

Minna sayonara!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Fragments (Post-mortem)

Hahahaha... I seriously wanted to write a love story. Since i am incapable to really indulge in romance, i thought that a simple and subtle love story will be okay. But, in the end the story turned out to be a crazy psychological thriller just like many stories i posted in here... hehehe... perhaps it is true that i can't write romance. Even 'Shinkansen' the novel i'm currently working on does not belong in that genre.

Sorry, about the Japanese phrases i'm using. I was thinking to post the translation for all of them, but, i don't have much time to do that. If you can't understand them, do left me a message and I will try my best to put in the translation. The reason why i had been switching Japanese and English is that some phrases are better be left said in Japanese and there are certain mood that I wanted to emphasize as they are said so.

I'm sorry for putting some violence and gory abuse in this story. I don't know, it made the story looked real and appropriate with the genre (what am I? A masochist?!!!).  That is why, i think, this story is suitable more to adults than children or young teenagers. Poor Shiki-senpai. He was really screwed up that night. I also had a story with the same theme when i was 16, The Golden Rain. Because my English was not that good that time, i stopped. Maybe i should start working on this after this.

Truly, i enjoyed writing this story. It is also my first time writing things like this. If you notice, i focused more on the dialogues rather than the descriptions. I think, it would be great to give my readers the freedom to imagine things themselves. And i like the part when Shiki figured that Aki was just a hallucination and was still clueless that he is one of Akari's hallucination as well. I suddenly had that thought when i was drafting the final part and was quite surprised myself. Poor guy... And it was quite sad, i think. And, Akari loves both of them, since they were also a part of her and she didn't want them to get hurt. That is why, i think, she decided not to have any hallucination anymore. (She said that Aki decided that herself, though. Weird girl! Anyway Akari and Aki is the same person, so... Any decision from Akari is Aki's decision too).

i also would like to apologize for the crazy ambiguities i put in the final part. Yes, the characters are all talking and the point of views switches from time to time without me telling you. i purposely did that, since they are all the same person... hehehe...sorry! And, one more thing, did anyone notice how on earth Shiki found Akari/Aki? And where exactly is Akari/Aki? Absently playing the piano as she wishes... She's a psychiatric patients, isn't she? Hahahah... that is another weakness on my part. Actually i was thinking to tell readers that Akari/Aki was taken out from the hospital and lived with her relatives, aunts or whatever in Okinawa, the place where she grew up. And some times had passed too judging from Shiki's injuries which had already heal. Or maybe Shiki just knew where she was, and he just need to materialize in front of her because he herself was not real, who knows... hehehe... My friend will scold me if she's reading this. "You're the one who wrote the story, how come you didn't know yourself?!!!" Hahahaha... it won't be fun if i know, and besides, mysterious characters are unique and will be remembered better than the common and easy-to-read ones.

By the way, the song at the end of the story is A Time for Us, from Romeo and Juliet. I was hooked to this song the moment i heard it years and years ago and i found it again in YouTube last months (And i already practiced it with my keyboard at home for a couple of times. It's beautiful). I guess, the song is mysterious and suitable with this story. i did imagine some credits with this song as the ending song...Hahah! And i did imagine the instrumental version of this somewhere in part 2, 4, 6, 7 and 10. Maybe i should include the video so that you can listen to the story OST(lol!).

Fragments part 10 (Final) - Jibun no Kakera

Silence reigned the entire room as she put her fingers gracefully onto the piano keys. I could see how messy they looked as they were placed there, gathering courage to move about; a sight of an untaught talent. Even so, no matter how illiterate she was, my heart was robbed of every beating as I sat waiting for the melody to rise. Yet, it was as if the song she was about to play would consume me alive… I longed for it, wished for it, thrilled by it, scared of it…

I could hear her humming the song in her head even though I could hear nothing. She remembered the song by heart. And even while I set myself ready to play it, she stood here beside me memorizing the lyrics to herself. Because of it, even when my fingers danced on the old piano keys, I was not aware of anything at all, save her sweet voice singing the foreign song.

A time for us

Someday there’ll be

When chains are thorn

By courage born

Of a love’s that free


A time when dreams

So long denied

Can flourish

As we unveil the love

We now must hide


A time for us

At last to see

A life worth-while

For you and me

As I climbed the ascending stair, I could hear an angelic voice echoing through every spaces. My heart was racing, recognizing whose voice it belonged to, but the melancholic tune had slowed down my reflexes forcing me to move very slowly up the spiral stairs tormenting me from within. This force that I felt, it was puling me so slow and at the same time so hardly that it hurt.

And with our love

Through tears and thorns

We will endure

As we pass surely

through every storm


A time for us

Someday there’ll be

A new world

A world of shining hope

For you and me

She played it well, so well that I cried while I was singing.

She sang it well, so well that tears started to flow.

What a lovely song. Even while I stood at the door looking at the girl who was playing the piano, all worries that had been haunting me faded away. Indeed, like a dust in the wind.

A world of shining hope

For you and me

As the tune died away I opened my eyes to see him standing before me. Then, I smiled.

“So you have found me, Murakawa Shiki-senpai,” she said as she got up. It was the same voice, the same face... yet… the smile… “I’m glad that you did. I’m really looking forward to meet you.”

“Yes, I came for you, Aki.” There was a slight pain as I uttered that name. And, surprisingly enough, it was the same for me “Or, should I say, Shirazumi Akari.”

“Akari?” Ootori Asako turned at me with thousands of questions on her face; questions unbearably painful. That was why, the things she had said afterwards, even though was the most shocking in the world, in truth, had saddened me.

“That is what her first name is, Senpai. Shirazumi Akari.”

“So you have figured that out, Shiki-Senpai, about us.” She walked across the room passing the old piano and stood facing me.

“Akari and Aki are the same person. The person whom I had spent a lot of time with, the person whom I had fallen in love with. I wondered which one of you is the truth.” Even there was a murderer standing before him, the worry in his eyes was not the image for himself but directed to me instead. Senpai, you are such a kind person.

“Aki, she was a part of me. A person who was borne because of an old wish I made. Even so, she is always the one who protects me, from the beginning, even until now, she was the one who freed me from that demon.

She had told you, hadn’t she, of how we are like the truth and dreams? Yes, like the light and shadows, heaven and earth, acceptance and rejection. Do you know, Senpai, if I was in danger, she would reject everything in order to protect me. Fushigii darou? Even though her job was to reject things, she took my place and accepted everything, pain, shame, and loneliness on my behalf.

I don’t want her to go though that anymore. It was just a silly wish and I don’t want her to go as far as that to protect me. I just want her to be happy. That is why, when you came, Senpai, I was happy. I started to see her smile, for the first time in my life, and for the first time in her life, she began to accept happiness.” With that, she smiled at me, with her hands pulled together behind her. I hadn’t told anyone how much I missed that smile; the smile Aki showed me on the bench that day while eating ice cream. “Arigatou, Shiki-senpai. Senpai no kakete, Aki-chan wa shiawase ni naru”

“Then, where is Aki now?”

“In the end she decided to come back to me. I couldn’t stop that since it was her choice, to be one again with me. Despite of how she looked, Aki-chan was actually a kind and selfless girl. She told me that she would continue protecting me. Even while we were talking right now, senpai, she is here listening to every word.”

“Then, will I be able to talk to her again?”

“I’m sorry, Senpai, she had returned to where she was belonged to and that was her own choosing… unless…” Trully, I don’t want him to suffer as much as Aki did.

“Unless?” She reached out one arms towards me with a pair of mirthless eyes that would spill some tears.

“Senpai, shinjitsu wan nan darou… Yume ya nan darou?” Her words, for some reasons had let the long-lost memories emerged from the abyss of my mind and just as suddenly, the hurtful darkness came.


A little girl lay on the cold floor on her sides. Her body was hurt and her throat was dry. I would be great if she could crawl out to the kitchen and get some water, even just a little, yet she knew that the door was locked. From deep insides of her, there was a faint hope that her father wouldn’t throw the key away and left her there to die.

Little by little the moon rose and she could see the faint silver glimmer through the window darting on the cement floor. It was dark in the room and the silvery light was almost enticing. Thus, she crawled on her sides pulling herself painfully towards it. At times she stopped to catch her breath and there was also a time when abruptly halted and groaned for a slight movement had let some painful sensation seared up her body and limbs. No one would hear her scream, though, and because of that despite of the pain, she held herself together to reach the light.

The moon was great. The full moon hung majestically on the dark sky, looking down at her blanketing its light around her as if protecting her. It didn’t entirely erase her pain, of course, yet, but just looking at it, in an instant, the hurt soften, somehow.

That night, she decided that she like the moon. She didn’t exactly hate the sun, however, she just like the moon best and she would look at it every night. It would be better if the moon would also be able to make her dreams come true.

Dekiru kana? Will the moon grant my wishes? Each and every one of them? Of course not… The moon was only the celestial thing, something that hand in the sky, the same as the planets did. She had leaned that in school. Because of that, she started to cry.

“If people would grant me wishes I wish the pain would stop.

I wish that I am not weak.

I wish that I would be able to go to school normally tomorrow, without people saying bad things about me.

I want to learn a lot, go to school and the University in Tokyo like what teacher said

I wish that I will never be lonely and have a friend who will always accompany me.

I wish that I can be happy and kind to anyone else.” Tears started to fall down her cheeks and she sobbed.

“I wish that I am not me. I wish that I am a boy instead.

It would be better… it would be better… if I had disappeared from the start.”


For some reasons pearly drops of tears started to appear in his eyes. It spilt and made a beautiful line down his cheeks. As our eyes met, I saw realization was swimming in them. I knew then that he had understood.

Once again, reaching her hand out towards me, she smiled. It was after all, my own choice to make, she told me. Just as I thought, the place where I was belonged to was…Reaching out for her hand, in a fraction of seconds, I halted.

“No matter what happened, I want you to know that I will always love you, and that you are not alone,” he said and tightly grasped my hand in his. We both exchanged smiles as he did.

Thank you…

Instantly, his being started to break and scattered up in the air like feathers. The shinning lights coming from his pieces came brushing against my face softly before they rose illuminating the entire room. Then, without a word, without a sound, they vanished.

A tear slobbered down my cheeks even the smile was still there plastered on my face.

“Okaeri, minna…soshite…sayonara.”

Fragments part 9 - Shiroi Himitsu

I limped on my side as I walked across the cafeteria. There were some girls talking at a table not very far away from where I stood. Two weeks being absent in the campus, people had tremendously dwindled from coming to the cafeteria. What happened?

I trudged to reach a table at the corner of the room very close to the glass window. My ribs hurt as I sat down. Broken ribs can heal on their own, alright and it had been two weeks. But, my body had been unfortunately frail ever since I was a boy. I stretched a bit to comfort my self and twitched in pain. Now, all I have to do is to wait. I thought I was late and I almost cursed myself for letting a girl wait for me. But, truth to be said, she was no where in sight.

I held the juice box carefully in one hand and placed it very slowly on the table in front of me. After all the ordeal of walking just now, I couldn’t raise my arms that high so it would be quite impossible for me to hold the box while drinking from it. But, nibbling the straw from a juice box on the table without really holding it was quite a sight. Really, Mr. Juice box, it is like a lose-lose situation here…

I sighed and my mind drifted.

Aki… I wondered where she was…

The moment I woke up in the hospital she wasn’t there. I thought that she was somewhere in the hospital, at the restroom taking a break, or in one of the patients’ room resting. But, she never did appear before me as if she was gone. Did she? What happened the night before I fell unconscious? The two street guys that night, did she…?

Something suddenly stung my head and I was forced to bend a little as I held it with my hand. Sweat started to fall down my temple and my breath was short. My vision too was frighteningly blurred as if the world itself was a fake.

Senpai, shinjitsu wan an darou…yume ya  nan darou…

The numb in head started to fade away and the pain in my ribs slowly sank in. I twitched on my seat again and straightened myself.


“Shiki-senpai!” I squinted to the voice and saw Ootori Asako standing in front of me.

“I have something to do after this, so I can’t talk long with you, Senpai,” she said as she sat down placing her bag carefully on the seat next to her.

“It’s okay. It is just a few questions after all.” I smiled. Looking at my face, something had dawned on her, I guessed, and I was very surprised of her next question.

“You are here to ask about my roommate, isn’t it, Senpai?”

“Well, did she tell you about me?”  I asked, blinking not believing my ears.

“She’s quite secretive about her private life. But, everyone in the campus knows, Senpai,” she said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Well, that is … quite… erm… yeah.” I smiled again covering my embarrassment. I hoped that my face had not tuned red. “You know that something happened to us that day.” With that her cheerful face disappeared.

“It was in the news.” She nervously reached for her bag and took out a juice box from it. It was the same flavour of my own, only that she drank it with both her hands holding it.

“And we know that right after the incident, she was gone,” I continued pretending not to notice the drastic change in her. “I was in the hospital the whole time, so I could not figure out what happened.” Did she get arrested? But, I had looked for her for days. She was nowhere to be found, even in the local prisons…

“She was not arrested, but she was indeed taken away.” She said as if reading my mind. I looked at her in surprised.

“Taken away?”

“Senpai, Shirazumi-san, she… she is sick… I didn’t know that either when we started to stay together, but… after some times…after some times…she started to show some signs…” I didn’t like what she was about to tell me. I didn’t know why, thee was something in her tone that alarmed me. Yet, the surging curiosity inside me forced me to listen, and I couldn’t abandon Aki just like that.

“You might not understand this, Senpai, but when I was first moved in the room, when we first met, her aunt was there too… She was such a lovely old lady and we talked a lot. I could still remember before she went, she gave me a card and told me to call her if Shirazumi-san is acting weird.

At that time, I didn’t understand this, yet, one night I was awakened by voices coming from her side, I thought she was talking in her sleep, yet the talking went on almost every night. I thought it was normal for her. I even caught her talking during the day. When I came back, she was all alone inside, and I could hear her talking from outside the door, conversing as if there were two persons.

I was a little scared, yet, I told myself that maybe she’s the kind of person who talks to herself.

One day, I accompany a friend of mine for his research work. He is studying psychiatry and we were looking at old records from numerous provinces when I caught a name which is quite familiar to me. The little girl was abused and because she had schizophrenia, she… Yet, I couldn’t confirm that yet, so I went back and asked Shirazumi-san some questions.

I asked her about her childhood life, where she had grown up and all. Really, I knew nothing about her. She didn’t name me the place and told me that remembering her childhood memories was the thing she hated to do. I boldly asked her why, and she did tell me one thing, with the usual flat voice of hers…

“Because my drunkard father abused me so many times that it isn’t worth remembering.””


The monster shoved my small frail body away. It was a normal push, I guessed, yet it was enough to throw me against the hard solid wall. With the impact, my legs collapsed and I sank to the floor.

He, then, threw the empty bottle to the floor and it smashed with a ring of hideous sound that I cowered in fear. The splinters of the glass flew very near to where I lay and one had touched my cheeks with a dull pain. Sure enough, my cheek was bleeding.

He moved closer towards me, bending down on me, grabbing my neck harshly into a sitting position. My breath came in short gasps, I was hyperventilating.

“SMILE!” He clutched my small chin as he said that. “SMILE! AND DON’T YOU DARE TO CRY.” Even so, I was so scared that tears started to fall.

Aki… Aki… Aki… And, I sobbed.

Frustrated, father punched my side and a searing pain clutched my ribs. I guessed something had cracked.

Aki… Aki… Aki…

I wondered how I would I go to school tomorrow. Father cursed, spat and left me crying on the floor.

Aki… Aki… Aki…

I was smiling while I cried.

Aki… Aki… Aki…

“Onegai, tasukete…”


“Please stop,” I whispered as the image left my mind. It felt so real that my heart began to break. My head hurt so much that even if I had said anything, Ootori Asako would not hear it. So, Aki had…

“I got really scared, Senpai and started to call the number her aunt gave me. But, no one had answered every time I called. I guessed the aunt had abandoned her too like what the records said. And she, she didn’t take any medication and I was staying with her, every one would feel scared as much as I do. That is why, I rarely came back to the apartment and stayed at my friend’s house.” As she told me the story, tears started to threateningly spill from her eyes. I sighed quietly to myself. She had every reason to get that scared.

“Ootori-san, I’m sorry. What is it that you find in the records that you haven’t told me?” I asked rather sadly. I saw her grasp the empty juice box tightly in one hand trying to collect herself.

 “Senpai, according to the report that I read that day, Shirazumi, at the age of 13, had killed her father. Because she was later diagnosed with a mental illness, she was not arrested but taken to the psychiatric institution instead. I thought she became better and entered university. I guess I was wrong.” She let the cramped juice box alone on the table and it stood ironically, satirically in front of mine.

“Then, do you know which institution she’s in?” Asako only shook her head.

“The relatives who took care of her keep changing. I tried to find her too, but couldn’t...

Senpai, if I weren’t so scared of her and continued to stay with her, perhaps… things like this won’t happen again, don’t you think?” With that, I didn’t say anything and looking at her, I knew even she didn’t need any comments from me. My heart was thorn knowing the truth.

Asako sighed and made a gesture to leave.

“Wait, Ootori-san!” She stopped and turned at me. Her bag was already placed onto her shoulder.

“There is a closed friend of hers that she always talks about. Perhaps, if you could help me to meet the girl, I could ask her where she is.”

“What is her name?” she asked.

“A girl with the name Akari.” Hearing that, she looked at me with thousands of questions on her face.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Fragments part 8 - Chi to namida

“Aki, it’s late, I’ll walk you home.” Reaching under the lamp post, he stopped. He took off his coat and put it around me.

“It must be cold wearing that,” he said with a smile.

“Well, thank you.” I said almost a whisper.

“Say, Aki, aren’t you mad at me now?” Yeah, I had almost forgotten that I was angry at him. I thought he was going to wear traditional clothes for the festival. Well, everybody will for such festival. It took me great pains to break the familiarity by wearing a kimono.

It’s the first time I ever appeared like a girl, and I had gone to a great length by borrowing it from a friend, despite of how embarrassed I might feel wearing it. Yet, he appeared that night wearing no other but his favourite black jacket.

“I’m sorry, Aki. I promise I will wear a hakama next time,” he said apologetically.

“No, it’s okay. I’m no longer mad at you,” I said with a poker face trying not to appear as forgiving. But, unconsciously I raised my hand to my hair feeling the texture of a hairpin Shiki-senpai had bought for me. It was smooth and cold against my skin.

“Really? Jaa, yokatta.” He smiled so innocently that I was forced to turn away. I’m not going to blush in front of him again, it’s pathetic. Yet, the warmth raised to cheeks very slowly much to my despair.

“We need to make a turn here, Senpai,” I said as we reached a black alley.

“Wow, it’s dark. You shouldn’t go home late, Aki. Not when you are not with someone,” I heard him said. It’s the road I took everyday, with companion or without. If there weren’t really someone, it was not like I had a choice. Most of the time I would walk alone, feeling the strange sensation as the darkness swallowed me in. I didn’t really mind and I didn’t feel fear. Because, the darkness that loomed around my entire being was no more than a sad loneliness. Really, nothing ever happen. Senpai must have read a gory thriller recently, I mused to myself.

But, I was wrong that night. No, the life had gone wrong, destiny, fate and everything, and I was left to nothing else to blame as two black figures approached us.

“Well, well, look what we have here.”

Senpai quickly pulled me behind him trying his best to shield me from the devils’ view. I knew that it would be useless.

“What do you want?” Senpai’s voice was calm yet I could feel that he was worried. “If you want money then-"

Nii-san, money has become the second place since there’s an interesting jewel behind you.” I felt Senpai’s slight grip on my wrist as the two men laughed. Suddenly, the huge man grabbed hold of Senpai’s collar and slammed him painfully onto the wall.

“Shiki-senpai!” Instantly, I felt someone grabbing me from behind, a hand covering my mouth so that I could not scream. There was a glint of a knife. I could feel its steely coldness on my neck. I heard Senpai’s worried voice calling my name and I saw him being slammed against the wall again, hitting his head. This time, he fell limply on the floor. The man stood over him, towering upon his frail form as he looked dazedly upwards, a line of blood trailing down his temple.

The man who was holding me started to caress my body. He pulled the kimono down determined to peal off the white nagajuban I was wearing. Soon, I realized that I had more to lose that night than simply a scar and a scary memory. But, my eyes were locked on Senpai as he was stamped and kicked over and over again.

I struggled a little as if it would stop the whole thing. The blade came so close against my neck that it bled. But, I cared none at all. It didn’t concern me right then. My heart was viciously thorn, as I heard Senpai coughed painfully on the floor. My world became a frightening blur as I heard the sound of ribs breaking.


Aki Aki. The soft voice rang in my head.

Aki, help me! I knew from the start that she’s been crying. What a bad happy mask she put on.

Atashi ga saisho kara kiete shimatte ii noni…

No, I won’t let him kill you!


Blood spurred like rain. The knife that stayed within my hand spun around faster than my own eyes could catch. I heard scream echoed through the alley but scream did not entertain me as much as death would. One slice, one throat and the last monster fall to his knees, spurting blood on his way. My kimono was soaked crimson down to my feet. The hot rivulet was dripping down to the solid ground where I was standing, flowing slowly to where Senpai laid. His eyes were wide as he looked up at me from behind. I didn’t need to turn around to know this. In fact, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to see that horrid looks in his eyes, yes, as he saw the real monster within me.

“Sorry…” Wet tears came down, mixing up with the bloody smear on my face. I knew I will lose everything, ever since we knew each other. Despite of knowing this… despite of knowing this… I still hurt people. “I’m sorry…


Fragments part 7 - Nakayoshi

“How long are you going to stay under that blanket, Aki?” I didn’t have to pull the warm blanket away to know who it was. I snuggled deep under the pillow clasping the fabrics tightly with one hand.

“As long as I could.”

“Heeehh? Didn’t you get all sweaty in there?” Her lazy voice was annoying.

“Shut up for once, Akari, please.”

“Aheheheheheh.” She began to laugh and I heard some thump thump sound smashing the silence in the room as she bang her legs up and down against the deserted bed.

“Asako is a neat girl, I tell you. I don’t want her to come back and ask why her bed is messy.”

“But, it was way too funny,” she said giggling.


“You never ever did plea me before. It sounds just out of place. Really that guy change you a lot, Aki. Shiki-senpai banzai!”

“Shut up!”

“Come on, Aki. No need to get so upset. Senpai is a good person. He said it’s okay, didn’t he?”

“But, that’s not it.” My voice sounded helpless for once but it was too late to take it back then. Hearing that, Akari laughed again.

“What? You think you had made him scared?” Akari stopped banging her legs against the bed as she asked. There was a slight pause afterwards, I could tell that she had tuned to me and waited for my answer. “He may look frail alright,” she continued hopefully as if she was staring at the ceiling. “But, he’s a senpai! A senpai won’t get scared of aggression easily.” What kind of logic is that?! This girl had no brain!

I mean, how would you feel when you go out with a girl on a date, first date, and on that day you got a fight with someone dangerous? And of all people, the girl you’re dating with was the one who took the villain down, almost killing him! Such circumstances will lead you to break up with her, at that very instant!  “Okay, I change my mind, a normal people might get scared a little,” Akari said after pondering to herself. Damn brat! “But, what did he say after that?”

“He said it’s okay,” I told her with my usual heartless voice underneath the blanket. Akari’s hearing was quite sharp to be able to hear me.

“Alright what did he do?” she asked again, this time, blandly.

“He.. he…”  Between stutters quick images rushed by, reminding me the whole things that took place. I could still remember what he did as he said those words to me. I could still felt the salty taste of my tears on my very tongue, and… I had cried in his arms, had I not? A warm blush rose onto my cheeks and it took me everything to not let it show.

“He?” There was a dangerous tinge of curiosity in Akari’s voice.

“It’s nothing.” I said grasping the blanker tighter with my hand.

“Thehehehe… something must happen! What is it?” There, her cheeky voice. I should better end this conversation before it became worse.

“I’m not telling you.” There was a creaking sound afterwards, the sound of Asako’s bed, and gentle footsteps were later heard, coming very slowly, very cheekily towards me. Before I could pull the blanket off my face, the next think I knew, Akari had jumped onto my bed, pinning me under her.

“You will tell me,” she said, in an evil kind of way and almost mercilessly as she leaned her face down closer to mine. Just like the old days, I could feel her soft bangs and gentle breath brushing against my face. And, in a fraction of seconds, the torment began. She slipped her small slender hand under my blanket and started to tickle my sides. I lurched back and forth on the crazy bed, screaming, cursing, laughing. The cruel creaking sound of my own bed seeped into my mind like a nightmare.

“Hey, stopped it. Akari! Akari, you crazy brat! Ah-hahahahah. Stop it. I said stop it…” Tears started to spill from eyes enduring the painful ticklish sensation all over my body. It took me everything to not even let myself urinate on my own bed!

Only when I had reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore, she stopped. We both stayed where we were on the bed with ragged breath, relishing the comfort that sank in. In unawares, I had looked rather gratefully into her eyes and was surprised to find a pair of solemn eyes staring at me. I was silent for a moment and so was she. She rubbed the tears on my cheeks away and smiled. It was the most beautiful smile she ever showed me and inexpressible joy was written all over her face. That was why, the moment she uttered those to me I was robbed of every word.

“Nee, Aki. I remembered when we were small, you were always the one who bullied me. Your cold remarks, your attitude towards me as if you didn’t care, always I was the one who would cry. But now, things are turning up side down. I don’t have the slightest idea that I will have the luxury to see something else in you besides your stoic face. I think, I really should thank that guy, when I meet him someday.”

I could only smiled evilly back at her and snorted. “Go and make some tea for me, you stupid tickling brat! I’m going to class.”

“You are? Yeay! I’m so bored.” Akari quickly got up from the bed, bouncing away to the kitchen.

At that moment, the phone beside my pillow rang. A message. From Shiki-senpai? I pushed the button carefully with trembling hands. I wondered what he would say.

Aki, where are you? Bon Odori festival on this Friday night, want to come?

I pulled the blanket higher covering all my head, a smile and a warm blush spreading across my face.

Fragments part 6 - Ryougi


“My childhood friend,” I told him as I scooped up a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. “She always came to tease me, the good for nothing girl.”

Ano naa, Aki…”

“Always immature, always has some strange thoughts in her head, always talks so loudly that it is annoying, always embarrasses me…” the list went on and I could hear Senpai’s sigh as I said them.  “Always says that she’s strong. If she is why does she always come to me?  Always shows a fake smile even though it hurts. That stupid girl, she never grows up!

“The only thing she ever made me feel happy was when she played the piano for me. She’s very good in it, really, and I like it when she plays this one song that she said from Shakespeare’s movie. What is it called I wonder….”

“You two are closed I see,” Senpai said rather suddenly that I was lulled from my thoughts for a fraction of second.

Emm… missetsu ka na…” I wondered if it was really a proper word. I gazed up to the sky and watched the white wooly clouds moving like snails. Shiki-senpai who was sitting beside me on the bench sighed contently. I was sure he was doing the same. The park was not too crowded at this hour and I thought it was a good thing too.  

Matte! Why did I speak about that brat on my first date with Senpai?! I turned to face him and saw his smiling face. I instantly turned away as my face felt hot. Baka! He was at fault too in this, he’s the one who kept making a kind face that I was carried away with my childish story with Akari. I wondered if I had spoiled the day and the impression he always had in  mind.

“Nee, Shiki-senpai.”


“Ryougi no koto kiita koto aru ka?”

“Ryougi? It was an old Chinese teaching, isn’t it? The Yin and Yang,” he said as he wondered. I gazed at the empty ice cream cup in my hand.

“It isn’t exactly the Yin and Yang. Well, the symbol of Yin and Yang shows the intertwined black and white semicircles symbolizing two contradictory but complementary elements; light and darkness, positive and negative, man and woman. The small hole in both of them is the spiral of rivalry with contradiction. In the teaching of yin and yang this is what they call Ryougi; the state where the original is inseparably split in two.

“Everyone has a little of the opposite within them. A person, for instance, no matter how small would still have a little of dominant side in them. A man too, no matter how hard would still possess gentleness akin to the women’s. A coward would still have some courage concealed in them. And reality would still contain pieces of dreams within it.

“Yes, reality and dreams… because they are complementary, because they cannot be separated, because each had the pieces of each one of them inside, reality and dreams sometimes cannot be distinguished.


Shinjitsu wa nan darou…

Yume ya nan darou…

Which one should we aim for?

Which one should we save?

Dream without reality is bottomless despair and Reality without dreams is emptiness…

Just like Reality and Dreams me and Akari… we…” my voice trailed away as I looked into Senpai’s eyes. He was looking at me with such serious eyes that my heart almost stopped. His pairs, I believed, were the most beautiful pairs in the world even behind those glasses. As confusion dawned on them, his innocent eyes became… quite amusing.

“Thehehehe…What I mean is that… what I mean is that… Akari and I are… and even Shiki-senpai, perhaps… are what Ryougi is like.” For the first time in life, I let out such a stupid laugh from my mouth.


I quickly scurried out of the convenient store carrying with me some packets of instant coffee and another cup of strawberry ice cream. Outside Senpai stood far a way at the side of the road waving at me. I smiled and eagerly walked towards him like a child. I didn’t know why, being in his presence I couldn’t stop myself being childish. And, even at the mall we went to earlier I almost longed for a cute T-shirted teddy bear on the shelves. And I am twenty-years old!

At that moment, I saw a man in messy clothes walked and swayed near Senpai. Senpai, in his excitement was totally focusing on me and was unaware of the drunken man. They bumped onto each other and the wretched fell down to his knees on the ground. Realizing what had happened, Senpai quickly moved to his aid, helping him back to his feet, apologizing so many times. A kind person he was, I whispered to myself, and he even showed concern to a stupid helpless stranger who bumped on him on a wide street.

Suddenly, the man grabbed onto Senpai’s collar and shouted at him. I was so surprised that I stopped. People on the street started to stare as if they were criminals. The drunken slum might but Senpai isn’t. I could feel the surging heat within my veins as he held his collar back and forth forcing his head to lurch ever so painfully. Just when I felt that, wordlessly, unexpectedly, he shoved Senpai forcefully away towards the street and I could hear the siren of the car roaring so thunderously in my ears.

In that instant, everything faded to black.


The darkness lifted.

The first thing I saw was my small hand clutching at the bastard's neck.

There was a voice which had kept calling my name. AkiAkiAkiAki it said. How annoying. The man underneath me gasped. I could feel his useless attempt to breathe as his chest gave a helpless slow push against my knees. Instantly, my rage intensified and I hardened my grip to his neck almost crushing his windpipe.

“Aki, please, let go of him!” Senpai’s voice snapped my head back to reality. Immediately, my grip loosened and I looked confusedly at the man beneath me who was then coughing and struggling for breath.


“Aki.” I moved away, frightened with what happened. The man crawled on his feet shooting a sharp scornful yet horrified stare at me.

“Monster. Die, you monster!” he walked away fast, tumbling onto a dustbin as he went.

“Aki, are you alright?” Shiki-senpai knelt beside me holding both my shoulders.

“Shiki-senpai…” Tears started to form at the corner of my eyes. “Shiki-senpai.” He pulled me closer to him and wrapped his warm arms protectively around me.

“It’s okay, Aki. It’s okay.” Tears were falling down wetting his dark shirt.